


In My Head (I See You)

by burymeinziam



Series: A Little Screw Loose [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam





	In My Head (I See You)

“Sometimes I’m afraid you’re not really here.”

Zayn’s voice is quiet and Liam can barely hear him over the incessant ticking of the clock hanging on the wall and the rattle of the wall heater just outside their bedroom door in the hallway.

“Huh?”

“I’m afraid I’m just imagining you,” Zayn says and when Liam flips over onto his side to look at him, Zayn is lying flat on his back staring blankly at the ceiling in that way that makes Liam think he’s leaving; going to that place in his head Liam can never really get to because he doesn’t quite understand. And he doesn’t think he ever will.

But he tries.

“I think you might be one of them, you know?” Zayn turns his head slightly, reaches out to touch Liam’s face but stops and tucks his fingers into his fist before letting his hand drop onto the mattress with a sigh. “Like I’m making you up in my head and you’re tricking me into thinking you’re real; that you’re really here and you love me.”

“I’m here,” Liam whispers, taking Zayn’s hand into his own and kissing his knuckles. “I always have been; you know that.”

Zayn shakes his head, his eyes squeezed tight and it breaks Liam’s heart because Zayn knows. It was one thing before Zayn accepted that everything he saw and felt and experienced wasn’t exactly reality. It was one thing when the people following him around were really out to get him; when the man in the heavy brown trench coat really did have a knife and the voices really were there and warning him of imminent disaster. 

It was another thing when the doctors told him it wasn’t real; none of it was. These were hallucinations; delusions. This was Zayn’s mind playing tricks on him and he needs to learn to differentiate fantasy from reality.

“Sometimes I don’t know anything,” Zayn continues and Liam knows it’s one of those nights. The nights where Zayn just needs to talk and to have Liam listen even if he doesn’t always understand. “I don’t know who is who or what is what or what’s real or imaginary. I can touch your face and I’ll feel your skin beneath my fingertips, but are you really there?”

Zayn opens his eyes and when he looks at Liam his expression is curious like he’s wondering.

“Of course I am,” Liam says and Zayn grins and huffs out a breath of laughter, but it’s sad, like he’s laughing at himself because this is his life; this is what goes on in his head.

“But are you really? How do I know? How do I know anything? People tell me you’re real, but they also tell me they’re real and the voices I hear following me around are not. But the voices tell me everyone else is lying, so who am I supposed to believe? The pills? The shrink? My parents? You?”

Liam frowns, shrugs his shoulders because he doesn’t really know what else to do.

“But you know what?” Zayn continues, rolling onto his side, draping one arm over Liam’s chest and pressing his lips against the birthmark he likes to call home (“It’s like a treasure map, Li. “X” marks the spot or something, you know?”).

“I don’t think I really care what’s real. I mean, I do, but I don’t. I don’t think it needs to matter if you’re real or if I made you up in my head. All I know is that I love you and, delusion or not, you love me too, right?”

Liam nods, threading his fingers through Zayn’s hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Always.”

“That’s all that matters then, I guess,” Zayn says, his voice quiet and thoughtful as he stifles a yawn and settles back into the mattress. “That’s all I need to know.”


End file.
